Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Randomize