in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
