I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
