Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
