he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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