I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize