I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
