Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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