and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
