and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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