I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize