R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
