I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
