just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
