can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
