I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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