dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
