i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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