Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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