I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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