Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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