Soap is not a condiment
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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