You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
