i may or may not be watching the land before time
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
