I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
