Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
