ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
