Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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