I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
