my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
