if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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