I hate your face
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize