If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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