I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
