having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize