i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
