the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
