using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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