Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
