my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
