I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
