Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
