im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
this beer tastes like vomit already
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
