I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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