Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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