the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
