Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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