just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
her facebook's as public as her vagina
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
