why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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