This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
