I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
