Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
