Too much gin, very little bucket
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize