i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
