Umm I'm too high to move.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize