remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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