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• (415): View more from California

  WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!

  (650): View more from California

  LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.

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• (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.

  Fav 28 2486 5171

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• (352): View more from Florida

  I used to practice getting hit by cars.

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• (540): View more from Virginia

  amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.

  Fav 10 1309 3983

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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.

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• (775): View more from Nevada

  I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life

  Fav 1 1723 1105

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.

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• (778): View more from British Columbia

  Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours. 

  Fav 1 757 602

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• (931): View more from Tennessee

  I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment

  Fav 2 1131 650

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• (707): View more from California

  Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???

  Fav 6 538 1507

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• (609): View more from New Jersey

  I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor

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• (813): View more from Florida

  I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.

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• (925): View more from California

  its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.

  (775): View more from Nevada

  want fries with that?

  Fav 0 108 5

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