his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
