where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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