what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
