perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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