hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
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