Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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