I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
