hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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