thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
