She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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