It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
