haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
