i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
