Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize