Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
