Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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