how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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