I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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