whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Randomize
