I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
this will be a night to untag.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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