dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
