It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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