Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
