I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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