i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
