if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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