spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
