I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
