he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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