I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
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