I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
