True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
