I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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