so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
