What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Randomize