4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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